My Big 3-6!

What a fun weekend I had! It was my 36th birthday, so we had a birthday party Saturday night. Two of my sisters (Karmen & Tiff) & their families came down. We had fun. Except Tony, of course, when he decided to add milk to the chocolate fountain & all the silky smooth chocolate immediately curdled into chunky chocolate! (Nothing a quick trip to Broulims couldn't fix, though ~) Thanks, everyone! It was SO great to eat tons, play with you, & get older. How nice! You all are the best!

Some people say birthdays are hard on them & they hate them. Me, I don't care! But as I've been thinking about the first 36 years of my life, I got thinkin' that I'm getting smarter & smarter as I go. Here are some of the life lessons I've learned...

*When wet-wipes say they are non-flushable, believe them.

*Fighting both wrinkles & zits at the same time is an unfair freakage of nature.

*Goosebumps make your leg-hair grow. I don't care what scientists say. They are nerds anyway & probably don't even SHAVE their legs. I'll go to the grave believing this.

*Popping rocks are NOT to be inhaled up the nose, no matter how ticklish & funny your 9 year old son makes them sound.

*Science experiments involving baking soda & vinegar should NOT be done right before company comes...

*No matter how much I visualize myself diving for a volleyball, my body doesn't obey. I'm sorta glad, too. I'd hate to cry in front of my friends on the court.

*THE SECRET is a crock of crap. If it were true, my bank account would have millions & I'd be living in a hut on Kauaii with a maid.

*Gravity is true & my bootie is obeying.

*Sweet, slobbery baby-kisses make EVERYTHING better... except when you get them strategically placed on the front of your shirt right before you have to stand in the front of the class at church. That just makes people laugh.

*Dishes & laundry are of the devil. And since I hate the devil, I avoid them both at all costs.

*No matter how many birthdays I have, my brain still think it is only 18. So do my clothes.

*The little soft plastic rim in my eyelash curler is NECESSARY! Otherwise, the eyelash curler just becomes a pair of eyelash scissors. I should know.

*Eyelashes take a good 3 months to grow back if you accidentally cut them off. Refer back to the last point if you are confused.

*A nest full of baby birdies in your dryer vent WILL DIE if you do continual loads of laundry all day. And the smell won't go away until the Fall. So, baby birdies are in-cahoots with the devil. Again, a reason to avoid the laundry.

*Clowns aren't really funny at all. They are usually quite creepy. And what's the big deal about balloons shaped like dogs? I hate dogs.

*Cat's are just as dumb as dogs. I hate them, too. The best pet would be a jellyfish tank if they just wouldn't kill you when you tried to play with them.

*Cows WILL chase you, even if your friend says, "They are MORE scared of you..." Dang liar.

*No matter how gross you look, it's a turn-on to your husband when you ride a 4-wheeler real wild in the mud.

*You get a WAY better tan if you lay out on your roof instead of the lawn. Just hope that the bishop's wife doesn't feel the "need" to "inform" your dad. The big tattletale.

*If you can't touch the bottom of the lake, your mind WILL wander about fish biting off your toes or dead bodies snagging on to your ankles. That just makes you panic. And have a strong urge to wet your pants.

*If the guy making your food at the restaurant is hairy, greasy, or licks his fingers, you might find it is a real good idea to leave without paying. Or eating.

*Dust can multiply & replenish the earth. Faster than rabbits even.

*It's a sad day when the kids outgrow the diaper bags. I mean, how else am I supposed to sneak treats into church?

There. Now you all can be smarter, too, without having to get old & decrepit, like me! I wonder what the next year will bring me. I mean... I'm already like a genius in the smarts department...